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Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
7:14 pm - reflections in the brown pond
It's been over a year now since I've had my last cigarette... or rather, since my last cigarette had me. For a considerable time after I quit smoking, I replaced that compulsive addiction with the act of stuffing food in my face hole. As a result, I accumulated some wicked chub and now when I look at my stomach I realize I've become my father from the waste up and the neck down.

My dad's cool and all, but I don't want to be him in that region. After nearly thirty years of being skeletal, I find myself adapting to the newfound belly.

I just wish that this weight gain could somehow spread evenly throughout the body. For so long I've wanted to pack some extra pounds, but it's all rendered bittersweet by centering into one concentrated unwanted zone. My symmetry is all whack and now I'm in danger of becoming a real-life, walking talking ET.

Being a daddy is freakin sweet. It's challenging at times, demanding, but infinitely amazing. Anson is now pseudo-crawling... he's able to cover the distance of the living room in a short time by dragging himself across the carpet. He really puts the pedal on it when he's going after the kitty. It will be many months before he can finally outwit that paranoid beast.

Life is good.

current mood: boogie monst

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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
8:56 pm - on parenthood
I love being a daddy, more and more with each passing day.

current mood: boogers

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Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
7:51 pm - metal undeath
Death Dealer

This is the anvil upon which rock is forged.
My anthems leave corpses in their wake.
The Death Dealer is metal up yer fuckin ass.

current mood: fluffy

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Sunday, December 9th, 2007
5:22 pm - adventures in forklifting
I made a video. It's silly.

current mood: awesome

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Monday, December 3rd, 2007
6:49 pm - music is my boyfriend
For an incredibly long time, I've had a desire to get back into writing. I used to write frequently, and to liken my writing to the physical condition, was strong and flexible, capable of running the quarter mile without breaking a huff.

Now, as far as writing goes, I very much feel the blubbery, bed-ridden fool. Even now I feel like this a forced action, as though I might give up at any time so as to spare my flabby mind the exertion of typing out even one more single word.

I guess what I really want isn't to write, but rather, what I want is to want to write.

And thus I force myself to eep out this crapola, and in the process perhaps make tasty crapolade.

I could write about my life and the going-ons of being a new father to a fabulously cute boy... about how amazing my wife is and how she is the glue that holds everything together... about how strange it is to be taller than all my coworkers, but that's not the kind of writing I'm trying to will from the bankrupt sectors of my creative tank. I feel like I should be digging deep for that epic wad of words that will make me excited to write, for sake of writing if nothing else.

But maybe that's where I'm screwing up. Maybe I need to go back to the basics of diary journalism before I can rejoin that place of self-satisfaction.

At any rate, something's missing in this machine and I intend to either fix or replace it. And then you will know the epic of Mark.

current mood: ready

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Friday, October 19th, 2007
12:31 pm - the newest Brooks
I haven't touched this journal in so long that you might have thought I died.

But truth my friends, is that I, Mark Brooks, have in fact multiplied.

Say hello to Anson Christopher Brooks!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

What, you want more? Look here and see our super snuggy anticipation of the miniature dude that is my son.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

After he was born, the head nurse spoke up. She said "Leave this one alone". They could tell right away that he was bad to the bone.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I am filled with a sensation that is indescribable, a feeling I dare not attempt to describe for fear of not doing it proper justice. He is the most amazing thing, and I am in love and humbled all at once.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

My wife is amazing. Our family has blossomed, and it is the sweetest thing.

current mood: ultimate

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Monday, June 4th, 2007
7:22 pm - i demand satsifaction!
I know it's been like ten years since I last wrote in this little livejournal thingy here but sometimes you just gotta brush the dust off, spank it in the ass then stick your dick in it. Or maybe that was something else. Whatever.

Now that we got a car that isn't a piece of shit, I've been eating a daily diet of fast food and I do believe I'm starting to develop a mild case of the wicked chub. Lacy constantly makes fun of me for pointing out my developing chub because it is, in her estimation, "barely there" but you must realize that I am not accustomed to packing chub in any quantity. I find it weird. I've even got a little bit of the cottage cheese going on my flanks and I'm not liking it. I'm in danger of becoming regular sized!

Only five months or so until daddyhood. I hope I'm a good dad.

current mood: McNasty

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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
7:07 pm - super lightning fast update that's up in your grill then out like the poop
10 Facts about Mark that you may not know:

1) I am heterosexual
2) I don't have testicular cancer
3) My teeth are disintegrating
4) I weigh 127 pounds
5) I like to kick it like shih'muhfuck
6) I got my 1Gig RAM stick and now my computer rules with an iron satchel
7) When I get an itch in my inner ear canal, I have been known to take my finger and earfuck that shit.
8) Dick in the butt fuckeroo
9) I need to clean up my language because...

10) I'm gonna be a daddy.


current mood: genital

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Thursday, October 26th, 2006
7:32 pm - hello from that place deep within yer butt
'sup niggaz.

I wasn't going to post but Lacy caught me masturbating, took a picture, and I felt compelled to use it for my icon.

Pressure is so on right now. Wedding in two weeks... the money leak has gone from a managable drizzle to a seemingly irrecovorable wet fart. Car is all sorts of fucked up. Transmission is on a mission for failure and now my driver's side car window won't roll up. Sucks that it's comepletely opened. I look forward to having a swampy ass from overnight rain on the cold ride to work tomorrow.

Things are getting tough, but like any kind of jerky it'll just take some dedicated bites to get through.

Looking forward to Final Fantasy 12. Like, really looking forward to it.

Not looking forward to my car breaking down at 4:30AM on the way to work.

current mood: baby faced

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Friday, August 4th, 2006
9:38 pm - metallica is metal up your ass
My goodness. So much to tell, but it will all have to wait until some other day. In the meantime, I invite you to play with this silly little online thing I've been known to waste time fuckin with:


It's AT&T's online text-to-speech translator. Using self described "natural voices", typing in awful shit then having one of over fifteen canned human voices spit it back at you is way more fun than it should be.

Don't believe me? Then listen to this:


current mood: butcheresque

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Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
10:59 am - the president has been kidnapped by ninjas...
... are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?

Happy 4th of July!


current mood: that's right

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Monday, June 19th, 2006
7:49 pm - so we meet again
I've taken my lumps, burns, and scratches, and now I'm entitled to a week's paid vacation. Vacation begins July 14th and I intend to come back to MI for a few days assuming I can get a ride for me and mah girl (still got no wheels... how sad is that?). It will be nice to get out of this concrete freakville for a short while and roll around in country grass like a pup.

There is, of course, one thing that can blow this whole vacation deal out of the water. I put in an application at a new place of work and if my acceptance goes through anytime between now and then, I will be forced to forfeit my vacation in the interest of training someone to take my place at the restaraunt. It's one of those things where I've been guaranteed to get the job, but an opening has to first become available. I'm hoping that opening doesn't come up for at least a month.

Barring any job stupidness, I'll see y'all in a hot ass month. Peace mah niggaz.

current mood: hawt

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Monday, June 12th, 2006
9:36 pm - Holy fork n' spoon
Okay, remember that last video me and Lacy posted? FORGET IT. It was nary a shred of mincemeat poop compared to this latest music video we just forged out.


It is your DUTY as a video watching human being to bear witness the fruit of our labor. Watch it, rate it, tell your friends to do the same. I'll put the link again so as to illustrate the seriousness of my DEMANDS



current mood: omg

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Saturday, June 10th, 2006
11:18 pm - who's got the hooch?
Me and Lacy made a video. As much as I'd like to say I was drunk, I wasn't.


Watch it at your own risk.

current mood: wtf

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Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:42 pm - brokeback molehill
Hey. Guess what? I'm still alive. I think.

Watched Willow the other day and it brought back a barrage of childhood memories that I wasn't quite prepared for. I was choked up on the inside, awash with recollections of my father explaining what all the weaponry was to the curious childhood Mark. It also reminded me of the wake of my parent's divorce and how strange life became at that point.

But then I went to sleep and all those feelings were gone when I woke up. It's strange how sleeping acts as a sort of eraser for the day's bulletin. But considering how bad days can get, perhaps that's a good thing.

Peace out mah homies. I swear I'm trying to get back in the correspondence groove.

current mood: manic

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Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
9:33 pm - finding your happy place
Doesn’t life just piss you off sometimes? On those days when every effort to fight the power is met with defeat? Every now and then, all you can do after waking up on the wrong side of the bed is roll out from underneath it and buck up for what you know is going to be the shittiest day of your life.

Days like these can wear away at your smile, whittling it down to a nubby half-frown. They reduce the quality of your livelihood. They have all the potential to eat you for breakfast and poop you out like a turd. In the highs and lows of life, they are definitely not highs, and most certainly are lows.

It doesn’t matter what brings these kind of days on. Sometimes it’s something as stupid as kidney stones. Other times it’s because your head is sporting a rebellious hair boner that won’t conform with the other hairs. Usually, it’s just because you’re due for some good old fashioned crap, and the shitty day fairy has come to collect.

Only one thing stands between you and that shrieking vortex of gloom: Your happy place. You must find it. You must get there. You must roll around in it like a puppy. Only when you have done that will you stand a chance of forcing back the bad mood demons that threaten to make you miserable.

Contrary to popular belief, the ‘happy place’ is not a geographical location, nor is it a spot on the body. It’s an intangible essence that cools your fiery nerves whilst soothing your boiling blood. It is the almighty sensation that everything will be alright. Finding the happy place is not unlike baking a cake, and here’s the recipe:

1) First you’ve got to think of a goofy ass song to play in your mind. This first step is crucial, as it sets the tone for finding your happy place. If you can’t think of one then just think of Oingo Boingo’s ‘Weird Science’. Used sparingly, that song will never fail you.

2) Next you need a pseudo humiliating memory that directly involved you. I’m not talking SUPER humiliating, like getting caught jerking off or anything like that. I’m talking something more in the realm of laughing at a friend’s joke and a snot glob reaches from your nose and latches to your upper lip. Yeah. That’s a good one.

3) Sometimes it’s easy to forget that other people suck and you are the center of the world. Now would be a good time to remember.

By now you might feel an involuntary smile creep across your lips. You are well on your way to attaining ‘happy place’ nirvana.

4) Think of something cute. Like kittens! Think of a kitten hobbling about on its newfound legs.

5) Think of someone you would like to kick the shit out of. Play out an entire scene in your head that could well have come from a kung-fu movie, with you kung-fuing this person’s ass into the next hemisphere. As the fantasy plays out onscreen in your mind, you might wonder where all your kung-fu powers come from. That’s entirely up to you.

6) Think about all the times in your life that you’ve been through absolute hell but in the end came out smelling like roses. Think about how that, though you may feel weak now, you’ve become stronger as a whole than you ever have been. Acknowledge that what goes down must come up. Do things you’ve been putting off and free your mind.

7) Stop being so serious.


current mood: hillbilly

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Sunday, February 5th, 2006
9:01 pm - our god is an awesome god
Lovin this new computer shit. Oh man. I feel so empowered. You think I'm joking but I'm not. And while that may be sad, chances are I have a better computer than you sucka.

Anyway, I've been downloading songs for my ambitious collection I call 'Greatest Ridiculous Hits'. And I need your help because with my limited knowledge of music, I can only think of so many stupid songs. I need more.

So if there are any songs you know that either a.) make you laugh, b.) make you totally embarrased merely by listening, or c.) make you giggle from sheer silliness, be a pal and share your humiliating musical nuggets. All genres are acceptable.

Lacy hooked me up with some good ones, including Michael Jackson's "The Girl is Mine".

Hit me with your worst.

current mood: wake me up before you go go

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Saturday, January 28th, 2006
9:52 pm
Looks like my account's functioning like it should.

What's new with Marky Mark? Nothing much. My job is sucking my soul straight through my ass and my eye muscle's been twitching like crazy. And I've got this wicked nasty burn on my arm that's sure to scar and look like some pizza ass muhfuckn shit.

Placed the order for our computer and it should be arriving on or around Tuesday. Holy shit I can't wait to retire this fossilized piece of crap I'm using right now.

Exciting, I know.

current mood: arched eyebrow

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Friday, January 27th, 2006
7:58 pm - u can't touch that
Currently locked out of livejournal. I can update, but cannot view my friends or my own entries. But if any of you leave comments I'd be able to read them through email notifiers. I guess there's some LJ epidemic going on?

I caught our upstairs neighboor picking up his dog's shit from the lawn with his bare hands. It was old nuggety poop, so it's not as gross as it could have been, but putting the naked flesh of your hands on anything poop is gross by default.

Oh yeah. Since I filed taxes online this year, I've already got my return and daddy's getting the dork combo deluxe: A new pair of spectacles and a new computer.

Actually, Lacy filed my taxes for me. I'm the lazy.

current mood: boogie down

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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
5:20 pm - go for it in 2006
Ahoy mates! I'm here to wish you a jolly, jolly, jolly good year! You must go for it in 2006. Don't expect it to come to you. Go for it, my friend. Just go for it.

That's what I'm doing for 2006. Going for it. It is my single resolution for the new year. I don't know nor care what 'it' is, but I'm fuckin going for it.

Dude. Just go for it. It's waiting for you.

current mood: going for it

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